I Am Lost
by jamestandspock
Summary: Travelling through the void and the vortex unprotected leaves visible marks in this young person who is about to find out how living in your favourite show can be brilliant and terrifying all the same. The Doctor is hurt from Rose and The Time War, can this strange unknown person who knows his past and future help fix his broken hearts? Doctor/OC Fan in the Whoniverse fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi before you start know that I only own my imagination and my OC this is a fan in the whoniverse fic that I really hope you like.**

I am lost, I am lost in this never-ending tunnel of colours and sounds, and sometimes I hear screams, sometimes laughter, sometimes from joy, sometimes from suffering. I am alone, there is no one next to me, there is nothing but cold and yet sometimes I feel like the whole universe is around me streaming and twisting, changing, moving and standing still, swirling, spreading, exploding like Van Gogh´s Starry Night painting.

I felt nothing when I fell, when the universe stopped streaming around me I only saw what I thought to be the end of the road, which oddly enough looked like a pool, or what I thought was a pool with the oddest shape I had ever seen and with the clearest water I have ever seen the bottom of the pool was the deepest blue, just the colour of the sky a second before it goes completely dark, the moment when people debate if it´s blue or black, yet I was able to make the distinction. I was enthralled by the colour when I realized, I was about to crash in that same pool, and at the speed I was moving the water would be like cement against my body, the thing is I could not find it in myself to panic, I was not scared of an imminent death, but when it happened when I finished my journey, when I fell in that dark pool, nothing happened, it was as if I had fallen from the edge of it with no more acceleration than the one provided by gravity.

The water was warm, yet it brought me back to my senses, which were lost as I travelled, as if it were full of ice, it took me a second to realize that I was in fact underwater and my lungs in need of air, a foreign sensation as where all others, my muscles where stiff and uncooperative with my desires, I hardly managed with great difficulty I pull myself out of the water body, that left me beyond exhausted I grasped for air in hard breaths.

Then with no warning whatsoever a blinding pain ran through my back and I was forced to turn so I ended resting on my belly in a desperate attempt to lessen the pain that came from two spots, the ones located just between my shoulder blades, once more I never found it in me to scream I could only gasp and small pained whines left my lips. The pain only got worse, trying to stand I managed to get on my knees and elbows, that rest assured was not good to my current predicament, I felt something pushing out from under my skin and then when I thought I would pass out from the strain my skin broke, this time I screamed, and after that first scream I never stopped. In the middle of my misery I still could feel this things coming out from my back growing, bigger and bigger, the increasing weight kept me in the ground.

For what seemed like an eternity all I could hear was my screams and cracking bones, it went on and on, when what I supposed where bones sprouting from my back stopped growing a burning sensation ran through the skin surrounding the new appendages, and it continued its way through the appendages themselves, after that the pain lessened bit by bit, it became more of a numbness that slowly faded away just as my voice did.

During my torment I was not allowed to pass out, and by a sudden shock of energy that shot through my body apparently I would not be able to rest after it either. I found that even when I was making no noise anymore the room I was in was not totally silent, there was a humming, a constant humming, like that of an engine.

When I was able to collect myself I opened my eyes not remembering when I closed them. The light in the room was warm, dim enough to take a comfy nap yet bright enough to read if desired. I achieved with lots of difficulties to stand from the floor, not without falling several times trying to gain my balance which was harder than expected due to the added weight to my back.

Once standing I looked at the room around me, it was a library, the most huge and magnificent library I had ever seen, the weirdest one too, because never before I had seen a pool in a library, I remembered hearing of one in Doctor Who?, they never actually showed it in the show, I mean I had seen the library in "The Journey To The Centre Of The TARDIS", but the pool wasn´t there anymore.

I tied walking, I stumbled more times than I can actually count, but in the end I managed to find the equilibrium necessary to walk normally.

As I moved around a bit I read the titles in the books, most of them were history books, the library was several floors tall the first one labelled "Earth History", up the staircase I found no more labels as I reached the seventh and last floor, I found a huge opened book in a quite elegant desk, this of course caught my curiosity, next to the book laid a beautiful sharp metal engraved pointed quill it stood beside an exquisitely patterned inkwell, leaning on the book, I found it was not written in English as the other books I had found, but written in a language I knew well how to read, the only language... then immediately all clicked and the puzzle of my location was rapidly solved. The book... the book was written by hand, it was written in Gallifreyan, the only language the TARDIS does not translate, the TARDIS the only place where a library this big would have a pool just in the middle of everything, the numbers in the ails were not just for classification they were dates!

I remained shocked for longer than a minute, then I closed the book with my finger in the page it was left opened, the title read "The History Of The Time War" sadness filled my heart, and suddenly I could not stand to look at the book, and what it meant for the one who wrote it. I left the book as I found it, turned my back and walked away I descended to the first floor.

Watching the pool where I landed the new weight on my back came forth to the front of my mind, I had suppressed the thought the first time it came by exploring around, but I knew it would no go ignored forever. I still had not mustered the courage to look at what had made its place out from my back, deciding to deal with it sooner rather than later I said to myself "It only takes 20 seconds of courage." So confident in my intents I looked over my shoulder.

**A/N: hey there! Nice cliffie don´t you think, yeah well I liked it, we all know what is in my OC´s back don´t we? But tell me what do you think should the character be male or female? This is a Doctor/OC and I go for romantic. But I want to read what you think, please review, and I accept name suggestions for this OC and anything you want to add is cool. I promise that I will post next chapter before the month is over, but please review, you´ll help loads to the faster release of future chaps. Thanks beforehand to those who are up to lending me a hand.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! How are you people?! Well this brief note is to thank those who reviewed and to encourage those who didn´t please it just takes you 5 secs. And I´ll be eternally grateful, helps loads. And well I wish I owned DW but I sadly don´t, I just play around with the characters.**

_... "It only takes 20 seconds of courage." So confident in my intents I looked over my shoulder._

The shock lasted near to five minutes, I couldn´t think the only thing I could do was open and close my mouth as a fish out of water, I couldn´t think straight my brain was busy trying to assess the situation.

I was pulled from my shock by the sound of a door opening behind me, every muscle in my body went still as if I could pass unseen if I didn´t move.

The door closed and I heard the sound of something falling, of crystal smashing I was afraid of turning to see what had happened so I didn´t.

"W...what?!" the voice I recognized immediately it was one of the few voices I had registered in my mind, one of the few I could hear any time I wanted to. It was his voice, the voice of the man I fell in love with, even when I hadn´t met him. "Who are you?" his voice was cool, calculating, but not afraid or angry to find a stranger in his home. I didn´t answer, before half a minute was past I heard his steps moving closer to me. "Hello? Can you hear me?" He was before me now, he inspected every aspect of me, as I lowered my head and looked at my feet, I didn´t know what to say, where to start. "Hey, don't be afraid, I won´t hurt you." He delicately lifted my head a hand on my chin. He was perfect, he was exactly as I had seen him in the series, I would say an exact replica of David Tennant down to the sticky-uppy hair.

"I know you won´t" I replied when I found my voice. He looked a little taken aback by that, but nodded.

"Who are you?" he asked again.

"I am... I am..." I had no bloody clue of who the hell I was! I remembered my life, my family, my friends, everything before the void, but in all my memories the name, my name was missing! "I, I don´t know!" my massive freak out must have been really evident because I was making no effort to stop it or get it under control.

"Hey, hey, shh, it´s alright, it´ll be fine." I felt his arms around me holding me tight, and frankly he was holding me together. "Breathe, just breathe deep." I did as I was told when I managed somehow to calm down I noticed two things, one we were sitting on the floor and second there was tears running from my eyes. Never before had someone seen me so vulnerable, though to my credit never before I had been taken from my universe, grown extra limbs, and met the protagonist of my favourite tv show! And those where only the things I were sure happened, who knows what else the vortex and the void had done to me!

"Do you know how is it that you ended up here?" he inquired softly.

"Mmm... not exactly."

"How so?"

"Well I know where I came from, and where I am, I also know where I had to go through to get here, but I don´t know exactly how it happened, nor why it happened." My answer was really vague, and his expression was cute and confused. "I come from a parallel universe, from Earth year 2014, and now I am in the TARDIS, am I not Doctor?" penny in the air.

"Parallel universe?" the look in his eyes betrayed his thoughts, by the look in his eyes I could tell he has just lost Rose.

"Not Pete´s I am afraid." And that made it.

"How do you know that? How do you know me, and the TARDIS?!" the penny drops.

"Doctor, you know there is an infinity of possible universes, the one I come from you are only part of a show in the telly, your life is told in its chapters. I know you, all of you, all your faces, well being honest I only _really_ _know_ you from your eighth regeneration onwards. That means I know a fair bit of your past and enough about your future."

"Who are you?" this time he was defensive.

"I don´t know, I can´t remember my name!" he flinched at my outburst but, man! This time lord was insistent to get answers I couldn´t give him! "Sorry it´s not your fault, I shouldn´t snap at you, it's just that I have had a hell of a day. Yesterday I was just another human on Earth with an average unemotional life, and now...now I have these things. "I pointed at my back. "And I am a universe away from the only place I´ve really known, and I won´t be able to get back, ever." I stood there feeling defeated. When I looked up to him, he looked sympathetic. "You are a touch telepath." I stated and he nodded curiosity filled his eyes. "Go on, read me." He nodded again and moved his hands to the sides of my head his fingers resting on my temples. I shot all the doors Doctor Who related from the third season on, including "The Runaway Bride" to be safe, anything else I left for him to see. I felt his mind entering mine, everything went black and then there was the door to his mind clear in the mindscape before me, I was tempted to go through it, but I decided against it. He roamed through my mind and knowledge for a while then I felt him go and opened my eyes to look at the time lord, his eyes showed understanding. "Found my name?" I knew it was hopeless, but I still asked.

"No, sorry."

"Nah, don´t worry I wasn´t expecting you to anyway." With that I rose from my position in the floor and the Doctor did the same.

"You said you´ve known me since my eighth, did you...?" his voice was low he turns away from me, and even when he didn´t finish the question I knew what he meant.

"Yes, I know him too, and I know what he did and why he did it... why you did it" I couldn´t help to hesitate in the last part. "I know that you didn´t had a choice, and I won´t judge you on it." This time it was my turn to comfort him. I walked to where he stood. "Oh Doctor" I put my hand on his shoulder, half expecting him to flinch or shove my hand away at the contact; I thanked whatever gods ruled this universe that he didn´t. I pulled a little on his shoulder and he turned to face me. That moment was when decided, that was the moment I realized that my problems where nothing, that I had never been really broken and even after everything that had happened to me in the last hours was nothing compared to what this man had suffered, what he had to endure to save the universe. So the decision was made: he must always come before me, his feelings and wellbeing where before mine, because no one, not even him took care of those broken hearts, and I didn´t blame anyone, the Doctor had a hard time letting people in, but with me he had no option, I knew him too well. "I will go if you want me to, I never asked to appear here and certainly you didn´t ask for me either, but I want you to know, that I am here if you need anything. You may not know me, but I know you, and I will always lend you a hand if you need it, I won´t push you. If you want me off your ship I won´t hold it against you, I´ll look for Jack he´ll probably take care of me, but if you let me stay..."

"You can stay." He said before I could finish, not really looking at me. "You can call me selfish, but I don´t want to be alone. Not anymore" So... we where past meeting Donna then, and No Martha around... yet.

"Then I promise while as long as I live you won´t be." He turned to look at me and I gave him a small smile that he returned.

"Wait! You said you were human and as far as I saw, in your universe, humans don't have six extremities." His whole posture changed in a matter of seconds as he was presented with a puzzle.

"No, they don´t, and I hadn´t before I came here. I thought they may be an effect of passing through the void and the vortex unprotected." I exposed my hypothesis.

"That may be, would you mind me scanning you, making a few tests, for any other possible secondary effects from your... journey?" I shook my head for answer. He took out his sonic and looked at it for a second. "No, the sonic won´t do, not specific enough."

"Med-bay?" I asked rising an eyebrow, much like he is used to do.

"Med-bay." He confirmed offering me his hand, which I took without hesitation.

For the first time since I arrived I walked out from the library my hand firmly in the Doctors grasp. The Humming produced by the TARDIS was louder in the hallways. The time lord guided me without stopping at any of the doors we passed by for until we reached one that was all white with a green moon. I remembered the green moon to be the universal symbol for hospitals from the first season´s chapter _"New Earth"_ when Rose and the Doctor officially met Jack as The Face of Boe.

In the other side of the door was a fully equipped medical ward with no machines I could recognize, I they were a bit of everything; different time periods and alien species.

He guided me to a high-tech bed and motioned me to sit down when I did, he went looking for something. He made several tests and each time he finished reading the results he wouldn´t tell me anything he would look at me as if I was the most interesting thing in the universe and then just moved on to do another test.

"Oi! Doctor what is it?" I demanded after about 20 teats later.

"It´s just that as we both suspected your..." he didn´t know how to call them, he just motioned at my back.

"Wings?" I supplied, there was no denying it what grew from my back were undoubtedly wings, massive wings.

"Yes, wings." He nodded to himself.

"Well, what is it?" I was a bit too insistent, but gods! I hate not knowing!

"Your, your cells, they´ve stopped aging, but if you are hurt they will reproduce faster than the average human to heal you, and then they´ll stop again." He explained, not completely happy about it, but clearly fascinated.

"You are saying I am basically immortal. I won´t get older, ever" I simplified.

"In a nutshell, yes, that´s what I´m saying. You have also gotten stronger; almost three times average human, I guess that is so you can support your wings, which are pretty strong on their own, also your bones are now hollow, which has made you considerably lighter."

"So, there is a possibility that I can fly with these." I expanded my wings a bit; something that was quite new for me, but oddly enough knew how to do. My statement sounded much as a question.

"There is a possibility." He confirmed. We fell into a long and uncomfortable silence. "Does it bother you?" he asked after a while.

"What? Not getting older?" I raised my brows. "No. That´ll make my promise easier to keep." A soft smile made its way through my lips. "And having wings? No. I always dreamt of flying on my own, so no, it doesn´t bother me. I mean it´s beyond weird, but, I´ll get used to it, we could fix a perception filter or something for them for the times when we go out on Earth, so I don´t freak humans out, but, I´ll live" I shrugged.

"Very well then, now that that´s been sorted, I think you need a name." He pointed out.

"Yeah, I think I do." I snorted, a second later I sighed. "Want to help me pick one?" He didn´t answer, he just smiled at me and offered me his hand to tug me away once more.

**A/N: well beautiful people, (yes you are beautiful, deal with it!) what do you think about that? Eh? Do let me know! I had decided my OC will be female, but I am still looking for a suitable name, any suggestions? And I haven´t make a real description of her wings, should they be all feathery or you´d rather they´d be leathery bat like? And any colour you´d like or classic black or white for feathers and black or red for leather? Opinions, opinions I´d like to read your opinions, So review please. I´ll try to have next chap up ASAP.**

"_Please do me a favour and smile, because you are beautiful, but smiling you look ravishing" - jamestandspock_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hullo! Well everyone here it is chap 3 votes about wings were unanimous, so here it goes! Remember I own nothing but my OC, and for those who thought the Doctor was too fast in accepting my OC is from a parallel universe, I am letting you know it was intended, he is just being kind to the freaked-winged-no-name-stranger-from-far-away this will be addresses in the future with a lot of angst in the middle, ok, that´s that. Allons-y!**

"Lea" he said out of the blue. "What about Lea?"

"I don´t think so." I replied catching on with what he was doing.

"Anna?"

"Mm, no" we arrived to the console room and I was completely astonished. "Wow" the room was enormous, a lot bigger than the one in the show. "You know when people say she is bigger on the inside they´re under a big misconception, because it is clearly an understatement" I commented grinning like an idiot.

"Glad you appreciate" he beamed. "So, what about, Sophia"

"Nop"

"Beatrice"

"Nah"

"Caroline?"

"Niet"

"Alexandra"

"Nien"

"Karla"

"Shigao Arimasen"

"Natalie"

"Não"

"Monica"

"Non"

"Gee, you are complicated" he complained.

"Oi! I am choosing a name to use for eternity, or at least a very long time, excuse me if I want it to be the right one!"

"Yeah, alright" we stayed in silence for a moment, as we both thought for a suitable name. "Does it has to be an Earth name?" he asked suddenly.

"Mmh, no, not really, I mean I was born on Earth, but not on this Earth, so, no, it can be from somewhere else" I really couldn´t care led about my name´s origin, I just cared it fitted me fine.

"In that case, what about Celesia?" he asked hopefully

"Celesia?" I asked, I liked that one but I suspected there was a bigger meaning behind it.

"Back in Gallifrey I had a cousin named Celesia." He looked me in the eyes and I saw as he went back through his memories. "Besides; it´s close to the Latin celestia, which means heaven or heavenly." He obviously didn´t want to talk about it, so I wouldn´t push, he´d talk when he is ready.

"Well, I guess with these things I look kind of like something that fell from heaven." I said moving my wings a bit. My wings where truly massive, my wingspan was about 4 metres long, the feathers where the softest thing I had ever touched, they where different colours along them: at the very top; the smallest feathers where a really deep blue, they reminded me from the first colour I saw when I arrived to this universe, then, down until the middle; the feathers went from dark blue to greyish, and I would dare to say silver, as for the colour of the primary and secondary feathers; they started in this mix of dim blue, like the sky after noon and they all ended with onyx black points.

"Or if you prefer it could be Eliana, I like that one too." He said looking at the floor, trying to change the topic.

"Do I look like her?" I wondered out loud.

"No, you just remind me of her."

"Theta it is an honour you would lend me your cousin´s name, but I believe that I must have my own name, so that if we ever part ways you can remember me as my own person, I know you miss Gallifrey, but I cannot fill the memory of your people, much less the one of your family." I said as kindly and as tactful as I could manage, he nodded but he still looked hurt, not because of me but by the memory of his home.

"What was the last one you said?" I inquired.

"Um, I think it was Eliana" he replied hope rose in his eyes.

"Eliana" I repeated rolling it in my tongue. "Hmm, I think I like that one." I smiled brightly at him. "Yup, that´s it, now where are we?" duh, dumb me we are in the TARDIS. "I mean where are we parked?"

"Why?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Just amuse me, please?" I gave him big eyes and he walked to the doors and threw the left one open, he looked around for a few secs. , and then he turned to look at me, his frame blocked the whole door so I couldn´t see much.

"We are just orbiting in the edge of Barnard´s galaxy some 1.631.000 light-years from Earth." He complied.

I approached him and extended my hand.

"Well hello Sir Doctor, my name is Eliana Barnard pleased to meet you." I said making a small pretend bow with a smirk on my lips.

"Nice meeting you Miss. Barnard." He smiled back at me, as he took my hand and kissed me on the knuckles.

"Oh, there is no such need for formalities Sir Doctor you can call me by my chosen name, or if you find any proper sobriquet of a lady such as me, I may consider letting you call me thus."

"Well Miss. Eliana I would be delighted if you´d ponder on letting this humble gentleman bequeath to you the byname Himmel; German for heaven, because an angel as yourself must come from no other place." He rolled with my game is if it were a normal conversation in which we were NOT flirting, ok? NOT flirting, well maybe a bit but we were just messing around, I mean we just met, well, technicalities I knew him, but he was just meeting me so this was nothing more than a silly little game, got that? Great then!

"Well Sir Doctor I find it to be fitting, so I will permit you to use the style" his face showed triumph.

"Brilliant!" he beamed braking character, *sigh* so much for LARPing, anyways, we´d role-play some other time. "Then tell me Himmel, ready to begin the adventure?"

"No" the statement as short as it was made him stop completely and stare at me in confusion. "Thete, I am really tired, besides I need something to eat and a shower, I really want to go to get in trouble, and I may be non-aging but I still am mostly human." I explained my case.

"Right, so sorry, let me guide you, food first?" his face showed embarrassment, I could only guess the reason was that he had forgotten I was not a time lord, and that since I arrived I had not expressed any necessities I could have.

The time went smoothly, we had a nice dinner: pasta pomodoro, and after that he took me to one of the guest rooms, he said it was only temporary until I had my own made by Sexy, yes I know he just calls her that in private, and yes, he said TARDIS, but is like Dean and the impala to him its _she_ and her name is Baby as is to most of us.

Next morning I was a little disoriented, until I remembered everything that happened the day before, I stood from the bed which, let me tell you was the most comfortable bed I had ever slept upon, I walked to the bathroom took my time, and when I got out the bed was made and there was a clothes change waiting for me, they were dark-blue jeans, a cream and grey striped shirt and a comfy reddish-brown jumper on top of that a necklace with a note that said that it was the perception filter the Doctor and I had talked about so I could go out without humans looking at my wings, ha! humans it was weird excluding myself from them. At the bed´s foot there where a pair of white converses, to complete the outfit in a chair next to the door I found a ultra-soft grey and white scarf.

I changes into the outfit that was generously presented to me and went out through the door, I was in a long hallway full of doors and I had no idea which way to go, thankfully the TARDIS caught up with that and with hummings and making lights brighter she guided me back to the kitchen, from where the smell of just made waffles emanated along with the one of warm honey. I stopped in the entrance a bit shocked, the Doctor was making the waffles! I knew he could make omelet, but never guessed he would cook something that smelled this good, last night I cooked, and he said nothing that could hint that he knew more than to make omelet!

"Come on! Are you going to stand there all day?" he pulled me from my thoughts. "Cold it won´t taste the same"

"Yeah, right." The kitchen had a bar with stools in front of the stove, two places where set, one had been already served and I choose to sit there, I prepped my waffles and started to munch on them, they tasted way better than they looked or smelled and I couldn´t suppress a moan, to which the Doctor smirked.

"What did you put in this?" I exclaimed, but the time lord only laughed.

While we had our breakfast he explained to me about some plasma coils around the Royal Hope Hospital, that I recognized from the series 3 chapter 1 "Smith and Jones", so we are going to meet Martha Jones, YAY!

So when breakfast was finished I went to my temporary room to brush my teeth agreeing to meet the Doctor in the console room when I was done, the TARDIS guided me again and I thanked her when I got a visibility of the console room.

"So! Fist adventure, exited?" Theta said the second he saw me.

"How could I not be?!" I yawped as I made my way to the center of the room. The time lord smiled and adjusted our destination.

"Then… ALLONS-Y!" he yelled as he pulled the last lever down and with a jolt we entered the vortex, after a minute of wriggling and tweaking in all possible directions the ship stopped suddenly main indication that we landed, I could have activated the stabilizers, or "blue boringers" as the Doctor calls them, I learned where they are placed, but where was the fun in that? The TARDIS was made for bumpy rides, well… not really, but you get me, no?

Out of the TARDIS and into the Hospital we went to get Mr. Smith admitted with stomach ache, he was given a bed and I had borrowed a chair and took a seat beside him, now I just had to wait, I would leave the Doctor that night as visitors were not allowed to stay in the hospital at night, so I went back to the TARDIS for the night, while the Doctor would stay and investigate the plasma coils while no one watched. Next morning I got dressed packed the Doctor´s blue suit, this was the first time he wore it on the show, if I remembered correctly, and then I walked into the hospital and to the ward I knew the time lord was left in. the chair I had borrowed the day before was still by the bed.

"Hello, John, how are you feeling?" I said waving my hand to get his attention.

"Oh, hi! I´m, you know so-so." He answered winking.

We talked about trivialities for less than an hour when I heard Mr. Stoker speaking about Hippocrates and salt, then I saw him and all the students trailing behind him, the first in line: Martha Jones.

**Sooo… there you have it chapter 3 next up a judoon platoon upon the moon! So here start the series, the relationship between the Doctor and Eliana will be a bit awkward, but it´ll work out. You like, you don't? Tell me, ideas opinions; I want to read them, ok? The name of my OC comes from one of the two reviews that proposed a name and the wings a bit of several different reviews, thank you for the help guys I really appreciate it.**

Next chap soon, how soon I don´t know, but before the month is due.

_Happy people are those of us who are not afraid of being weird and doing what we love, Don´t EVER let yourself be "normal" because then you´ll lose the meaning of life and it´s beauty. - jamestandspock_


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